Meanwhile I thought I might tell you about a little incident that happened to a friend of mine when she started dating recently. They had four dates and she  was really looking forward to the fifth when he suddenly rearranged at the last minute. She was pissed off, after all she’d gone to work wearing one of her sexiest outfits, spent ages styling her hair in the morning and had that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling all day. So she was disappointed when he rearranged at the last minute. She emailed me to ask me if she should get angry with him, ‘cos she thought he was messing her around, she’s a busy professional woman with lots of friends and a full diary after all and her time is precious. AND he was lucky she’d granted him a window in her schedule. But I told her NO. Just play it cool and be gracious about it I said. And tell him she felt disappointed, that it was a shame they weren’t going to meet that night but not to worry, she would treat him to the pleasure of her company another time. You see this way she was going to come across as a really laid-back person (which she actually can be) and he’d think that was really cool and probably regret rearranging her. I’m happy to say  it worked, he rearranged the date, apologised profusely and currently she is well and truly smitten (her words) with him. 

And getting to that point is a big achievement – all too often we act as if we are angry when really we’re upset/vulnerable and can frighten people off prematurely. After all, with time so short and life so busy who wants to spend time with someone they think is going to tell them off all the time?

One of the key differences between the sexes is – that they want different things. Which could be why it’s so hard to get together with anyone.  To help you get on, bear the following in mind.

WHAT WOMEN WANT

*A man who makes them laugh. Yep the oldest one in the book. You don’t have to channel Ricky Gervais though, just be yourself and she’ll probably find that funny (in a good way!) 

*A man who knows how to handle his drink/drugs. So many men over thirty get so wasted that they are just no fun come the end of the night and their potential date is feeling like a kiss goodnight. Slurring, drooling and smelling of beer with teeth stained with red wine is not sexy. Women would rather stay single than snog a slobberer. And believe me your date will be gutted because she will want that kiss.

*A man who has his own opinions, but isn’t afraid to listen to anyone else’s. Hello caveman, women these days have their own jobs, careers and money and therefore are used to be taken seriously in the world. Please give them the same respect. 

*A man who knows his own mind without being controlling/stubborn. Again, please suffocate your inner caveman on these events. He’s useful in a crisis but not at dinner.

*A man who knows when to back off a little bit. Great if you meet someone you like but remember sometimes the fun is in the flirting, so try not to get so over-excited that you don’t give the woman a moment to breathe or she’ll start feeling a bit trapped (and that you might be a bit desperate). She wants the chance to wonder if you do like her or not. Obviously you want to let her know that at some point but just don’t dominate her for the whole evening unless she hangs round you.

*A man who’s nice to her friends without flirting with them. She wants to show them what a good catch she’s got interested in her and for her mates to coo about you.

*A man who makes the most of himself and feels confident. You don’t have to be Brad Pitt to be attractive to women but being clean, well-dressed and relaxed helps.

*A man who pays them compliments. However, most single women are quite unused to being flattered so might not react in the way you’d like ie they might look embarrassed or brush it off – but secretly they like it. They spent hours getting ready for you after all.

WHAT BLOKES WANT

*Women who don’t take themselves too seriously, who like a laugh and to enjoy themselves, without getting so pissed they can’t remember their name.

*Someone who will let them get on with or join them in physical pursuits – walking, cycling, surfing, running.  Activities like these take the focus off that embarrassing “date” scenario (ie you opposite a stranger trying to think of something to say but all that comes out is silence).  But if you don’t share the same sporty interests as them don’t panic – they just want to be left alone to get on with their thing and will be all the happier for it, especially if act like you’re interested in it. They do like you to have a go though if you can just to show what a good sport you are.

*To watch the big match if it’s on without being hassled about it. Most men (although not all men) like football. Fact. If it’s part of their lives now, it’s always going to be part of their lives so prepare yourself. Some men are more obsessed with it than others. Watching the regular season matches in the WInter and any major championships seems about right to me. Anymore than that and you might see this as a reason not to take things any further or it will be you, him and the telly in the relationship. Unless of course you love football as much too.

*Women that don’t get too “heavy” too quickly. Most men on dating events do want to meet someone but men are also by nature proud/shy about emotional stuff so a big chat about when you’re going to move in together after the first date is probably pushing it a bit too far. Unless of course HE starts the conversation. This is sexist I know and sounds a bit “The Rules” but I think it’s still fair to say that in this world when women are so brilliant, gorgeous and successful men sometimes do want to still feel like women respect them which means they often like to take the lead in dating stuff. Although they want the right cues from women to know they won’t be rejected. Yep, regressive stuff, but if modern women want men, this is what they usually have to put up with.

*Women that have their own thing going on, especially some kind of creative hobby or talent (most of them LOVE a woman with a cultural hobby – so Jane Austen) like drawing, reading, photography or an interest in these things. They even still like the age-old favourite –  cooking. Men are still impressed with a roast.

*Women that are assertive without being patronising ball-breakers -men’s egos are as frail as women’s and they just won’t fancy someone who’s making them feel totally inadequate.

*Sometimes – and I feel like I am betraying the sisterhood here and that blokes won’t want to consciously agree when I say this but I think it’s true – men like a little hint that there is something “other” about a woman – a little vulnerability, a little spontaneity, a little unhooked-ness about a woman. Men are of course all universally scared of an archetype they commonly call “the nutter” which usually refers to when these qualities are exacerbated and a woman gets extraordinarily pissed, takes off her clothes and then cries a lot in front of the rest of the group –  or someone who seems to stalk them, but this usually only becomes apparent after first meeting ie when mobile numbers have been exchanged. So don’t be afraid to let your hair down a bit but don’t let it go uncontrollably wild.

Any others?

Favourite things about the weekend and why:

“Good range of activities, friendly people, people from an interesting range of backgrounds.” Eugene, 40-ish

“It was something new, an opportunity to meet new people and to meet people older than me” Carlo, 32

“Meeting like-minded single people, great accommodation, relaxing location and interesting itinerary” Lisa

And don’t forget the posted comments below:

This is what we will be eating on Saturday night

STARTER 

Cheddar and Spinach Souffle, parmesan sauce 

Local Rabbit and Black Pudding Terrine, Sauce Gribiche 

Mussels Mariniere, Basil or Thai 

Pumpkin and Thyme Veloute 

Smoked Salmon, Horseradish Cream, Blinis 
 

MAIN COURSE 

Squash, Blue Cheese and Walnut Risotto 

Thyme Roasted Monkfish, Sweet Potato and Turnip Tian, Tomato and Basil Jus 

Local Venison, Koffman Cabbage, Sauce Amer 

Pan Fried Halibut, Shellfish Veloute 

Oven Roasted Chicken Breast, Pomme Puree and Mushroom Sauce 

DESSERTS 

Classic Vanilla Creme Brulee 

Hot Chocolate Fondant, Pistachio Ice Cream 

Honey Comb and Chocolate Cheesecake 

SIGN UP HERE
Hello and welcome to Luxeweekends. Click here to sign up to my mailing list to find out about upcoming events including the Dorset Gastro Weekend and the Luxe Christmas Party. Please mention your name age and any mention promotional code

THE FIRST EVENT

The first event is on the 7th-9th November at The Bull Hotel, Bridport in Dorset, where we will spend two nights and one day eating and drinking the finest that this part of the region has to offer, in the company of cool single people like you who want to do something a little bit different with their weekend.

Pudding at The Bull

We’ll get to know each other over champagne in the Ostler Room on Friday night then after a leisurely breakfast the next morning – a generous English Breakfast and Dorset Original Cereals -we’ll take a stroll along the beach at nearby Burton Bradstock and have lunch at the Hive Cafe, a seafood restaurant on the beach. Yes, it will still be open!

Golden Coast

The afternoon is free for you to do with what you will – shopping perhaps, or take a look in at Fay Weldon speaking as part of the literary festival or something more outdoorsy can be arranged – then at 8.30 we’ll meet back in the Ostler Room at The Bull for a three course meal with wine, overseen by the hotel’s excellent Head Chef, Matthew Cook,  formerley of the Wistaria House in Lymington and The Talkhouse in Oxford, a Marco Pierre White property.  He is heavily influenced by Pierre White and his cuisine is modern American using locally sourced and organic, where possible, ingredients.

Silver double room

You will stay overnight on Friday and Saturday in one of The Bull’s luxurious rooms, which are all individually styled and have complimentary Neal’s Yard Remedies. And you will meet people like you – professional people between 30-45 who are intelligent, attractive, kind and witty, working in business, media and teaching. There will be 14 of us on Friday night and 20 on Saturday.

Zoffany Room

Sounds good? Then email now – luxeweekends@googlemail.com

Hannah. Lovely lady.

So – it’s countdown time! Just over a month to go until we head off down to Bridport. All the women’s places are full but there’s still time for some eligible men to join us/them. As you know these ladies are all friends of mine or friends of friends so I feel a great resposibility to find them fellas who will show them a great time. It’s going to be two nights, two days of eating, drinking and wintery outside walks plus optional footie watching if you so choose. Thought I would remind you all that there’ll be loads of people to meet that weekend as the hotel is full of young and fun staff like Hannah (above) and of course the literary festival means there will be plenty of people packing the bar at night. Here I am on West bay beach down the road from the hotel too. Email me if you want to know more about the weekend – or if you just want to know more about other events I’ve got planned – Cath – luxeweekends@googlemail.com

Me at West Bay

Me in The Bull restaurant

Here I am at The Bull in Dorset this week, checking it all out for when we go down there over the weekend of the 7th and 9th of November. I’m in the restaurant where we’ll be having breakfast. We’ll be having our drinks reception and three-course meal in a different, opulent function room.

I suppose you’ve noticed it’s not very busy and that the only other people there are old. Well let me reassure you – this was taken about 10pm and it had been full. Granted many of them had been silver surfers or smug marrieds but when we’re there we’ll be outnumbering all of those types. Plus this was a Tuesday and we’ll be there over a weekend.

I can confirm that the hotel is arty when you first enter – all floorboards and big paintings, with reviews from InStyle and Traveller pinned on a board. But the best thing has to be the luxurious rooms with the most comfortable beds in the world. I think you’ll all have trouble getting up that weekend. Especially if you’re sharing them… Email me on luxeweekends@googlemail.com for more info.

ps I am staying in the Black and White four poster room

pps Does anyone want me to find anything out for them when I am there? Also please tell me what the ideal conditions are to watch a football match. Let me know below or by email luxeweekends@googlemail.com

My bed for the (Tuesday) night